misgivings
i spoke with crush last sunday. his excuses:
1. he didn't know think we were exclusive
2. he doesn't want to be exclusive

all fine and well, but couldn't he at least tell me that before i heard it throught the grapevine? he wants to "take a break from each other" i told him there would be no "breaks" plural, only one break that would end this madness. he said he wanted to see me when he got back and talk about it face to face, and i had to ask what more we had to talk about. i already know he doesn't want to see me anymore, so why would he have to tell me agian? it seems too much like twisting the knife if you ask me. he won't let me go. i have given him many a chance to walk away and each time he has said he doesn't want to go. WHY? and of course if i think he still wants to be together then i won't leave. it's the white trash in me, i guess. all this crap aside, this is my promise to you, and to myself:
i will not get upset when we talk, i will stay strong and hold my ground. i will not settle for less.

that same sunday, i spoke with adam (see archives). i had forgotten the sound of his voice. we talked for a long time and it was good. i miss him.
19 more days 'till chicago.